Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I would fuck him just for his dog
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
