Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he quoted the bible to break up with me
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
