I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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