I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
