I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Sober January is a disaster.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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