I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
