I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
