Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
