At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
