if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
ugly people sure do ruin things
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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