Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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