I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
