So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
