Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
