So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I cut my penus on the lid.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
