you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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