I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just want to make out with him forever
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
