Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
