Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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