Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
This is not my ceiling
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
