is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
