I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
then he tried to convert me to islam
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
