Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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