I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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