The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
