yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
