I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
