no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
