you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
