I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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