Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
