i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
