"it" just moved
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
