I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
