Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
