I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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