This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
