please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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