Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
