I'm lost and stupid without you.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
