Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
