I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
