dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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