I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
