Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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