Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Randomize
