TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
