They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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