dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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