Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
