apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
