Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
