Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
